The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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