i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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