You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
