So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
