You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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