Cold hands, warm shart.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
