her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
