I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
