He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
