Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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