dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Randomize
