I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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