In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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