She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
