he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
