A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
