You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
