The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Help. Why am I so naked?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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