my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize