I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize