Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
