I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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