During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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