the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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