dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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