seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
