see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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