I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
