i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
