Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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