when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
