She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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