Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
