i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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