Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
