The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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