The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
