I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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