I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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