what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
