He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
