i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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