why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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