Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
