Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dignity is for republicans.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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