She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
