so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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