he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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