This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
