I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
