I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
