News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
