maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
