I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
