on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
