She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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