Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
