I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
