I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
