I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
