I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
