she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
