how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize