this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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