My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
