Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
